‘I'm not cancer. I am BECKY’

Becky Steiner, of Kansas City, Missouri, shares her story of coping with two separate cancer diagnoses.

“I'm a two-time cancer survivor: Melanoma at age 20 and aggressive invasive breast cancer at age 31. I'm in remission now at age 34 and learning how to live my life as a survivor. Coping with the emotional aftereffects of a cancer diagnosis and treatment is not something I was prepared for, nor talked about by my medical team.

“I made treatment decisions based on the advice of my doctors and my own research of all available options. Thankfully, I had good medical insurance, so cost was not a factor in my decisions related to treatment. However, time off of work was part of the decision. I opted for a mastectomy instead of an equally effective lumpectomy with radiation because I couldn't afford to make daily radiation appointments for six weeks after already exhausting all of my leave with surgery and chemotherapy treatments.

“If I could do things over again, I would have opted for short-term disability coverage so I wouldn’t have had to worry about work and lost income. But, at the age of 31, disability coverage is not something I considered during my employer's open enrollment period for my benefits.

“The emotional impact of cancer has been staggering to say the least. I am 2.5 years out and am still very affected. With every ache and pain, the thoughts inevitably come to mind: ‘Is it cancer? Has it returned?’ It's more common than not for me to have major anxiety before every checkup with my oncologist or before follow-up scans. There have been a couple scary situations where things appeared a recurrence was certain based on imaging and lab results. The moments of life were continuing on around me but I felt as if time was frozen to a standstill, just waiting to hear I was terminal. How would I tell my kids? How could I LEAVE my kids? How would I be remembered? Has my life mattered? Then further testing determined it wasn’t cancer, so I was instantly having to go from all of those thoughts back to ‘normal.’ The roller coaster never stops.”